For many people, the holiday season means making memories and sharing traditions with their family. But while this can be a joyful time of year, the holidays can also be emotionally difficult if you recently went through a divorce or separation. You might be wondering how to navigate the months of November and December to ensure they are a happy time for your children amid the changes — and how you will continue to share the holiday traditions you created while you were married.

Here are some tips on sharing holiday traditions during and after divorce:

Have a Holiday Parenting Schedule in Place

The same parenting time schedule that you have during the year might not work around the holidays. It can be a busy time with various events, parties, and special occasions for both sides of the family. Having a holiday visitation schedule in place for the months of November and December can reduce the potential for conflict, give your child certainty (and holiday traditions to look forward to!), and ensure your child will get to have quality time with both parents as well as extended family events if they are usually part of the holidays.

You might consider several options when creating the holiday parenting time schedule, including the following:

• Assigning each parent a specific holiday
• Alternating the holiday each year
• Dividing the day of the holiday if parents live close enough to each other
• Giving each parent a separate day to celebrate
• Spending the holidays together if you and your co-parent are amicable

When choosing what works for your holiday parenting schedule, be sure to take the child’s needs into consideration, based on their age, ability to adapt, and comfort level. You should give the child the opportunity to spend time with their extended family on both sides and share holiday traditions with their grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. However, there may be different considerations for younger children. Holidays often involve travel and it can be difficult for toddlers or pre-school aged children to transition between homes or be away from their primary caregiver overnight during the holidays.

Mediation can be a powerful tool to create a holiday parenting time schedule that ensures the best interests of your child are put first and conflict between parents is avoided.

Consider Continuing Shared Holiday Traditions

If you and your co-parent are amicable and can maintain a respectful relationship, it may be possible to continue some of the holiday traditions you had in place. This can help to give younger children a sense of stability during the holidays, despite the changes that have been going on in their home lives. Even if it isn’t possible to share the actual holiday with your ex-spouse, you might still consider attending your children’s holiday concerts together or taking the children shopping to buy a gift for the other parent. It is important for children that they see and experience both parents acknowledging the other during the holidays.

Start New Traditions with Your Children

The holidays might not be the same during and after divorce, and that’s okay. This can be a great time to start new holiday traditions that will make lasting memories. Involve your children in the planning process and create new activities that will strengthen your bond. If possible, talk with your former spouse about some holiday traditions that you each want to continue and see if you can share some of the traditions between the homes. Focus on creating traditions that allow you to share meaningful time together, such as building gingerbread houses, baking cookies, or watching a holiday movie marathon. Crafting ornaments, reading holiday-themed books, making handmade gifts, and attending local holiday events can also prioritize bonding time with your child.

When starting new holiday traditions, allow your children to have input and give them a chance to talk about their feelings. If you have more than one child, set aside time to share with each child individually. It’s essential to understand that each child may react differently to divorce and the changes it brings around the holidays.

Stay Busy When Your Children are with the Other Parent

Not only might the holidays after divorce be an adjustment for your children, but they will be different for you, too. It’s important to stay busy when your children are spending time around the holidays with their other parent to help distract you from any feelings of sadness. If it’s your co-parent’s turn to have the children on a holiday, consider volunteering at a charity or delivering gifts to families who are in need. You might also use this time to create new holiday traditions by hosting a gathering with friends or other parents who are in the same position as you.

In addition, don’t forget to focus on self-care. The holidays can be a busy and stressful time and it’s critical to set aside time to read a book, get your nails done or have a massage, or practice meditation. Remember, no matter how hard it is to be away from your children during the holidays, it’s vital to make sure they have the opportunity to spend time and create memories with each of their parents. Assure your kids that you have plenty to do when they are with the other parent so they do not worry about you.

Work with an Experienced Divorce and Family Law Attorney

Navigating the holiday season with your children and creating new holiday traditions after divorce can be overwhelming. A compassionate and skillful family law attorney can assist you with creating a holiday season parenting time plan that will ensure you get to spend quality time with your children — and their best interests are met. Located in St. Paul and Edina, The Law Shop Minnesota provides high-quality counsel for Minnesota divorce and family law matters, including mediation and unbundled legal services for creating parenting plans that will help to avoid future disputes.

We welcome you to contact us online for a consultation or by calling (651) 344-6100. We are available to meet in person or via Zoom, regardless of where you are in Minnesota.